Hey beautiful, oh man I am so so so sorry for the really late reply! Since uni has started I have been so busy just trying to organize things and drowning in work haha.
Ahh your words made me tear up, thank you so much! I have no idea how to respond, but your words mean so much to me because it really makes me so happy reading them! :’) I am always here to help you, lovely, and it is so amazing that someone thinks of me that highly. Thank you so much!
About being kind, first of all:I am definitely not a perfectly kind person!! Trust me, I let my emotions get the better of me sometimes and lash out at people, push people away, and can be selfish and all of that stuff too! Everyone has their bad sides, it took me a long time and a lot of self improvement to get to where I am now, and I am still trying to improve. You seem like such an amazing person, I feel like you can easily be as kind and open as you want, hun.
I don’t think you give yourself enough credit! One thing I have learnt is that kind people are ALWAYS grateful for the help of others. When I gave you advice, you went above and beyond to say so many kind things to me that made me feel uplifted and good about myself. Trust me, I have given advice to people on tumblr and in real life that have never thanked me or even acknowledged that I helped them, they just took my advice and moved along. I don’t expect them to do anything, but a simple thank you goes so far. If you were as selfish or unkind as you believe yourself to be, you would never have said these things or lifted me up with your words as you have. So I guess the first thing about kindness is to always be grateful when others show kindness to you. It’s something you already do!
Also the fact that you realize and understand that maybe your intentions aren’t always out of kindness or good faith is another huge step in the right direction.
I don’t have too many quotes that I can think of, but I do have some cliched ones that you have probably heard before but I feel as though are the best.
The number one thing is to be as genuine and honest as you can. There is one quote that says that you have never really achieved something in your life until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. It’s that idea of selflessness, giving for the sake of giving. I promise you that though you might not feel it now, you will really start feeling amazing doing good things without expecting anything in return. Another quote goes: the first ones to help you up are the ones that know what it feels like be knocked down. Think of a time where you were really knocked down, and ask yourself what actions would have really helped you? For me, I love giving advice and helping people because I know what it’s like to not have anyone I can trust with my problems or just to talk to in general. I have made a lot of amazing friends since then but I will never forget how it feels to feel completely isolated. I know you feel like people won’t appreciate you as much as you wish they would or even that giving will have no benefit to you, but it will. It might not be instant but just keep improving yourself and you will see your life will change and open up more opportunities and chances to be happy for you!
Try to always put yourself into the other person’s shoes. Really try to understand their situation or what they say and do, and then think about how you would want people to treat you if you were in their situation. So continuing on from that, treat people the way you want to be treated. This doesn’t ALWAYS apply to everything but it applies to most scenarios. This seems obvious but you will be surprised at how people forget to do this, including myself. I think that is also the best way to really restrain yourself from talking about people behind their backs. This differs from person to person so you have to view each situation differently. For example, if you and your friend had a huge argument about something, would you be okay with your friend venting about the situation to another friend? Usually with things like these I understand if they just want another perspective on things or just need to release anger in the heat of the moment by talking the situation through with someone else. What I would not understand is if they went to someone else and, out of their anger, called me unnecessary names, made rumours up about me, said I did or said things that I didn’t in order to make me look like the bad guy, or anything that is truly malicious. I understand if they say things such as “I don’t know why she would say/do that to me” if they were hurt or upset about something I did or said to them - and only if they are willing to say these same things to my face later when we try to talk about and resolve the argument. So I don’t mind venting, the only thing I don’t like is when someone I believe to be a friend of mine goes and says things about me out of pure malice. That’s only for big things though. If they are little things then talking about them behind their backs gets to the point where it’s mean, petty and unnecessary. Make an effort to talk about any issues you have with someone with them. If they get angry at you, then so be it. If it’s something significant and they care about you, generally they will take what you are saying on board. If not, that reflects a lot on the value they hold you for in their lives. If you yourself hate being talked about negatively in any way behind your back then you probably should hold yourself back from it. This is such a weird topic though, there is no right way and I still have trouble figuring out what the right thing to do is. I just think that if it is extremely petty things such as taking about the way someone looks or if you are just gossiping, try to refrain from those things because those things honestly don’t matter.
Other than that, be kind but not to the point of being a push over! There is a huge difference between giving people second chances as opposed to continually excusing and forgiving them for making the same transgressions over and over. I think that I have always met people that are either way too kind or way too reserved and closed off from people. I used to be really open and kind but throughout the years I have become really cautious. I am still kind, but I only really let that side show when I feel as though it’s safe to do so. Being a nice person has its downsides but I think it is worth it if you know where to draw the line.
I am really sorry that this reply is so long and not very good. Can you tell me what specific things about your personality you want to change? I can probably help you more if you go into more detail, haha.
How are things going with your boyfriend though? And do you think your crush has fully gone yet? Again I am so sorry for the late reply, I promise I won’t take this long again haha i just needed a lot of time to adjust to uni again. Hope you are doing well! :’) xx
Aw thank you so much love, that means a lot! One of the reasons I still haven’t deleted this blog is because of really kind people like you still on here! :’)
Aw hey sweet anon :’) I am doing alright, uni semester 2 started for me today and I can already feel the workload hahaha.
How are you/tell me about yourself! :)
Hey hun, I am so so so sorry for the late reply! I have been traveling out of the city with my family a lot to visit my mum since she’s working away from home now.
I really don’t know how else to get rid of a crush besides time. You can’t deny what you’re feeling, but you also want to keep your boyfriend. I think you should talk to M in real life if you get the chance. It seems risky but it’s better that you at least get to know who he is. If you don’t, you’ll just build up an image of who you think he is or who you want him to be in your head, and then your crush will only become stronger. Remember that we usually see what we WANT to see. I think the best thing to do here is to talk to M once or a few times. Maybe just ridding yourself of the curiosity is going to help you get over him.
When you’re faced with a situation like this, you really just need to know where your priorities lay and be completely honest with yourself. If you are 100% happy with your boyfriend and aren’t bored/uncomfortable with the relationship and for it continuing for a long time, then fight this lust as hard as you can! Being with M might satisfy you in the short term, but in the long term, you need someone who loves, respects and deeply cares for you.
If you can honestly say that your relationship with your boyfriend is nearing a natural end, you’re bored or just uncomfortable in it, then maybe this crush on M is a wake up call to that?
I think you reallllly need to be 100% honest with yourself and with me and let me know what the case is, girl! Are you definitely 100% happy with your boyfriend and you want more than anything to get rid of your crush on M? Or do you think your crush is an indication that you’re not fully happy with your current relationship, even though there isn’t anything particularly wrong with it? (There doesn’t have to be)
First thing I would try is to talk to M, at least. Have you and your boyfriend been spending time together these past few weeks? How are things going?
And awh thank you so so much for your other messages about me. I am currently studying law, I never fully did psychology! I studied criminology for a while and did forensic psychology which is kind of similar haha. I am always happy to help you, beautiful girl :) None of your messages were off anon but even if they were, don’t worry, I wouldn’t post! If you ever feel like you want to talk off anon then feel free too though, we can privately message :) xx